December 2006

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Inpatient.

Where have I been?

I’m hitting bottom. I found things slipping, just slipping through my fingers. D died a few weeks ago, holding on for months after relapse of his leukemia. A is dying–he lays empty on his bed, only blinking in response. His mother, she is stronger than me. L died last night, and there aren’t enough tears. A tried to die on my last night, and I couldn’t do a thing.

I hold my breath.

And yet the world keeps moving on, moving on so fast. Give me a moment to think. Or perhaps not, I don’t want to think about them anymore. I couldn’t do a thing.