October 2007

You are currently browsing the monthly archive for October 2007.

On the bus.

10/10/2007 in Introversion | 5 comments

The man was crazy.

He sat at the very back of the bus, talking to no one in particular. Every now and then, some student would make the mistake of pretending to care. Make eye contact. A smile. Perhaps a argumentative remark. The man would find his mark and be merciless, beating down on them his pressured one-sided conversation about the government conspiracy, the walruses, and secret messages on the radio.

I pretended to be fascinated by my Palm Pilot. But I was really fascinated by him.

He was probably schizoaffective. And I envied him a little. He would just talk, whatever came to mind. And with every word, it seemed to free him, like some poison he need to bring out. I could never speak that freely. I would meet people, and most times, I could never say a thing. This here, this is just writing. Speaking, that’s another thing. Shy doesn’t begin to describe me.

But I was thinking. I’m posing here. I put my best dress on and do a little dance in front of a computer screen. I make up this person who can talk as she pleases, walks where she likes, loves, hates, and flirts. To no one in particular.

But hoping someone will listen.

A piece of the pie.

10/4/2007 in Rant and Rave | No comments

I have a rant about SCHIP that I can’t even begin at the moment, I’m so ticked. So perhaps tomorrow. In the meanwhile, call your representatives. We only need 15 votes.

MySpace.

10/2/2007 in Ponderance | 1 comment

I was thinking about E.

I don’t know why. I haven’t thought about him for ages.

Google and 17 links later, I find myself on MySpace. The filth of the intardnet that is all about whoring oneself for virtual attention. I love it.

So I couldn’t find E. But welcome to the class of 1998. Everyone is on MySpace. And oh, the stories they have. S, who was always so thoughtful, is now a social worker. B, who was a jock to the bone, is now a real estate agent. Still single and now chasing the jailbait. A is a housewife, married into the military. While those were predictable, some only took 9 years to completely reinvent themselves. New names. New faces. New bodies. New sexual orientations (some of those were waaay too predictable though).

I only signed up for MySpace so I could look at their profiles and pictures. It’s interesting to see what they write about themselves. How some are so meticulous as to attempt to make MySpace pretty. Others who believed in tiled wallpaper. Me? I’m the one with no pictures and no profile. Even the pictures on this blog have mysteriously disappeared. It’s like I can start afresh.

So what should I put out to this world? Not that I care…do I?

I never liked high school. I didn’t hate it either. It just…was. There were no defining moments. I was disgusted by the everyday. Things just seemed very unimportant. I suppose they still are. I never dated. I didn’t go out drinking. I didn’t smoke the hash pipe or whatever. Mondays slowly went to Fridays. People like E made it bearable.

It was stupid. He clearly liked me, and likewise. We just never had the balls to get it on. I still remember the way he brushed my hair from my face and… We were inches away then and a lifetime apart now. I just wonder if it would have been different.

Am I different now? Is he?

17 links later, and I found a picture. He looks the same. Awkward smile. He got contacts though. And that was that. I don’t think I will verify my account with MySpace. I guess I just wanted to know.